“Imagine
a truly radical party of the left….which enacted legislation saying that all
scissors had to be left-handed, that writing would be from right to left, that
machinery and tools of all sorts should be built only in left-handed forms. One
imagines that right-handers would protest at such changes, but in that case
left-handers also have a legitimate protest against the present situation.” Chris McManus in Right hand,
left hand (2002, Phoenix)
Right
hand, left hand explores asymmetry in the world; in
chemistry, in all forms of life on earth, in particle physics, and in the
modern world experience of humans. The quote above comes as McManus begins to
explore some of what he terms left-handed myths, such as “Left-handers die
younger than right-handers” and famous right-handers erroneously claimed as
lefties (Billy the Kid, Picasso, Einstein). But he also identifies some
interesting, if rather banal, lefty facts.
The muppets were mostly left-handed – had
Jim Henson scored one for the lefty underdog making a left-dominated puppet
world? McManus deflates this notion by explaining that, as most puppeteers were
right-handed, the right hand got to do the most complicated puppetry – namely
working the head – so the left-hand got to control the hand as the less complicated
work. (Though The Simpsons is
populated with many left-handers, including Bart and Mr Burns, reflecting Matt
Groening’s own left-handedness http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/Left-handed)
Most right-handers I have talked to about
handedness did not consider handedness as having an impact in the world until
it was pointed out by a lefty. And its probably fair to say that most would
still not give handedness much credence as an issue of any great importance.
So, I have an idea for a TV show.
It would take a magazine format enabling a
series of regular slots appealing to different parts of the audience. It could
be called More than one in ten or The left bank and definitely not
anything crass like Human lefts. And
it would explore the world as experienced by left-handers.
Presented by lefties (perhaps Nicole Kidman
and Keanu Reeves could do the honours?), it would include:
1. Nature – such as handedness in flatfish,
or the left spiraling narwhal horn
2. Science – how molecules have handedness
that can make significant differences, such as how the right- and left-isomers
of carvone have different smells, or that the two forms of thalidomide have
different biological activities, with only the right-handed form being
teratogenic and being responsible for causing birth defects.
3. The arts – whether exploring famous
lefty artists (Escher, Klee), or musicians (Geldof, Lydon, Hendrix, Plant).
4. The day-to-day world – my favourite
section – where famous right-handers are given simple tasks to do using
left-handed equipment. Much of
this would be based on my own childhood experiences:
We could all laugh at the “stupid” person
not able to neatly cut a drawn circle from a piece of paper as the left-handers
scissor blades when held in the right hand push apart not together, and the
right sightline of the circle edge is covered by the top blade.
We would chuckle at the slanty bread and
cheese slices the righty would cut with a left handed bread- or kitchen-knife.
We’d giggle at the clumsiness of righties
using left handed tin openers as their weaker hand turns the handle in the
opposite direction to the best use of their thumb strength, or perhaps a
waiter’s bottle opener, when the blade of the cutter is upside down, and again
the turning motion contradicts the strength of the hand.
Or even getting righties using a
left-handed chequebook, and finding that it makes it harder to write their
signature because the hand rubs up against the stub of the book, followed by
having a cup of tea from a left-handed mug where the witty homily on the side
can only be read whilst drinking if you hold the mug in your left hand, rather
than the usual right-handed ones.
And we could have a spot where people
demonstrate how right-handed so much of the world is, by making left handed
examples of common gadgets (positioning credit card pin machines for left
handers, not right handers; designing DIY electric tile cutting machines or
two-handed Black & Decker drills left-handed; giving everyone a left-handed
computer mouse as standard).
On the first programme I’d have Christopher
Seed and his left-handed piano (http://www.lefthandedpiano.com/)
that enables him to play the usually more complicated, tuneful parts with his
stronger left hand rather than with his right when he played a standard piano.
And then get Tim Minchin to try playing it (I don’t know if he is left or
right-handed, but he can play the fuck out of a standard piano).
Okay, handedness isn’t going to be making
the list of equality issues campaigned on by the Equality and Human Rights
Commission any time soon. But it could be an interesting programme
nevertheless.
And it would be on the BBC. As penance for
their decades of dextrism.
In 1967 the BBC test card for colour
broadcasts was produced. It had a girl sitting playing naughts and crosses on a
blackboard holding a piece of chalk in her right hand. Awww. Cute. Or a little eerie.
But the girl was actually left-handed in real life, and the original photo had
depicted her as such. A BBC executive demanded that the image was reversed as
it was felt to be somehow “inappropriate” to show her as left-handed.
Dextrist bastard.
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